Archive for March, 2020

This will be a running list:

  • The baboon in The Lion King who tells Simba his father is still alive, then takes him to an image of his own reflection
  • The main hero in the film “Jumper” who throughout the course of the film, steals people’s money, robs a bank, frames his friend for a bank robbery, lies to his girlfriend and then dumps her in the middle of the desert, finds a new friend then electricutes him to death on a power line, gets his dad killed and threatens his own mum.
  • Luke Skywalker. Particularly where he literally whines so much in causes Yoda to die of grief
  • I can’t remember which Transformers film, but the guy in that who’s dating Mark Wallberg’s underage daughter so is basically a paedofile (actually more accurate if you remove the word “basically”)
  • Also Shia Labeouf’s character in all the other Transformers films. In fact most of the human characters in all the transformers films. If people were that annoying any robots turning up on a mass murder rampage would actually be doing us all a favour.
  • Justin Timberlake in Friends With Benefits. He just acts like a knob the entire film, then at the end it’s ok because he complains a bit and organises one of those flashmob things that every normal person hates.
  • The main protagonist guy in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes who commits genocide and wipes out the entire human race by irresponsibly trying to cure his dad from alzeimers, by illegally creating and giving him illegal medicine, and failing to follow any safety procedures in the process. Later referred to by Caesar as “a good man”
  • Obi Wan Kinobe; “your father died when he became Darth Vader, so, from a certain point of view, I was telling the truth”…Where as from a rational person’s point of view you told a terrible lie
  • Superman in “Man of Steel”…I guess it doesn’t make him a jerk, but after the third or fourth time a one in ten million chance catastrophic disaster mysteriously occurs within 100ft of him, and he was still only 12 years old, you would just stop letting him leave the house.
  • Superman’s dad – another who achieved hero status by committing genocide against his own race. Steals the codex and then instead of using it to save his people, fires it randomly into space so no one can have it (why?). Then everyone just has to sit around and wait to die, even though it turns out Superman’s dad also invented a bunch of spaceships capable of rescuing people from the planet and creating a new home for them, but which he neglected to mention while selfishly saving his own illegally birthed son.
  • Kirk in Star Trek (the new one). Steals his stepdad’s car and drives it off a cliff, turns up at a bar and harrasses a woman then starts a fight with all her mates, cheats at an exam, sneaks illegally onboard a spaceship, gets thrown off of it for trying to start a mutiny, sneaks back on board it again, starts a mutiny, then proceeds to start an intergalactic war. That’s basically the entire plot of the film.